Monday, September 3, 2018

An ode to My Mental

I don’t really know when did i start having this numerous symptoms everytime i want to go out. The complication is not stopping there, some days i also feel an enormous amount of pain. I can’t eat, i can't sleep, i can't get out of my bed, crying like a baby, punching my head, pinching my cheeks, grabbing my hair real hard.

Going out is hard...afraid of doing something wrong or get lost in the middle of nowhere. Some other time, i cancelled my plan of jogging around my house even tho i was ready with my gears. Simply because i was so damn afraid of people looking at me, telling me i'm weird. The only thing i love is watching a movie in a cinema. Because it’s dark and no one will notice u.

Suffocating, intoxicating. Like thousands of needle stabbing your brain. Everything is blank but rushing. Like watching a racing car in space. Something is eating my soul from the inside. They have no mercy, no love, eternal sadness.

I can’t talk about it, even with my husband. He’s far away, and i don't think he even understand how to face my demons because he thought i’m fine whenever he’s around. Truth is..i don’t...just to write about it making me nervous.

Fighting...i wish i could fight this evil. I’m longing for a normal life so i can have a peaceful relationship with everyone once again. I don’t want to give up yet i don’t want to live in pain anymore.

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