"You Give Me the Kind of Feelings People Write Books About"

3:35:00 AM

I'm that kind of person who is actually romantic yet so skeptical about the whole relationship things. Maybe it's because traumatic, fears, and my anxiety. Since years ago i have been in love with a few boys. I love a boy, for a very long time, till my heart hurt so bad. For example i've loved someone since i was 7 years old, and he didn't like me back.
Then i loved someone, he liked me, but then we're just fallen apart, he didn't even ask me to be his girlfriend whatsoever and we ended up having relationships with other people.

That give me a conclution = I'M THE MASTER OF RELATIONSHIP'S IDIOT!

Years of my love life were awful, i'm terrible, but it's so weird that i still believe in the old fairytale such as True Love and Soulmate.
My friends keeps telling me that i'm an idiot for believing that stupid fairytale, but i can't lie, i always (do) believe in every stupid things, that's who i am.
True love/Soulmate to me is the same as your favorite book. Even you have read a lot of books, you'll always come back to that one book you love the most. You read it countless times, you keep it no matter what happen. You keep it good even though you know the color of the papers will change, one of the page will be torn. I will keep torturing myself with this idea, until i find one.

Random Picture from Instagram


And i think i've found my soulmate.

I like this guy since the first time we've met. I eventually love his appearance, love the way he talks, love the way he puts his smile to the others. I memorized his phone number (i was a creepy stalker back then) through the data that we (we were in an organization) wrote on the paper, and i started to talk to his bestfriend, digged some informations, but he was so cold back then. Then i gave up and tried to forget him.
Yeah you know where it goes...i can't. Even i figured it out that he actually kinda into me. But we were both had our own relationships.

I still have feelings for him. I do love him even it hurts to wake up knowing that me and him = never gonna happen.
I believe he is my soulmate, even i'm not sure that he'll be 'The One', but he is my SOULMATE. He give me the kind of feelings people write books about. When i'm around him, it feels like home, it's familiar, so comfy, no anxiety, no fears.
If Soulmate is a lot of pressure, well then maybe he is my Spaghetti. I like it no matter how many plate that i've been emptied.

Hahahahaha, but maybe it's for the best that we just keep being friends. Maybe i will bump into someone who happens to love me.  Alright, another day dreaming, just wish me luck to find that unlucky guy :)

Picture taken by me

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